Monday, February 28, 2011

The Great Migration: A Story of Fish and Irony

I have a fish.
His name is Jerry Sloan.
Because Jerry Sloan is the coolest and he will forever be planted in my childhood memories.

Jerry Sloan the fish was a gift from J. Actually, he was payback/gift.
Little did J know Jerry and I are destined to be together.

Jerry Sloan lived on my desk at work for about two months.
But then I started to feel like a very neglectful fish mom, so I decided to bring him home.
Let's be honest who wants to live in a cubicle?
This took lots of planning in my little brain.
I tried to think of a way to get Jerry in the car.
Everyone made ridiculous suggestions like put him in a baggie, or tape a paper plate to the bowl.
Too bad I didn't listen.
The best idea I came up with was to put his bowl in a bigger bowl.
This is where you should start worrying.
Bad. Idea.

I put Jerry's bowl in a much bigger bowl and set him on the floor of my car.
Voila! I thought.
I put my car into drive and that's when I should've put it back into park.
Jerry's bowl started to orbit around inside the bigger bowl and I'm pretty sure I gave him shaken fishy syndrome.
No problem. I thought. He will be grand.
The second I pulled out of the parking lot, a force much bigger than Jerry Sloan the fish, tipped his little fish home over.
Luckily, I was able to pull into a parking lot next door to my office.
I ran around my car to the passenger door and screamed "JERRY SLOAN I'LL SAVE YOU!"
Much to my surprise he was only a little shaken up and actually still in his bowl with about half of his water.
Also, I was lucky no one was standing outside watching me run around my car screaming about recently resigned NBA coaches.

My next thought was how to get the fishy home and unmarred.
I sat there staring at a very flustered Jerry Sloan and then WA-BAM! I knew exactly how to save my fish baby.

When I moved to college many moons ago my mother was INSISTENT that I bring my 72 hour kit and keep it in the trunk of my car.
It is essential to note that:
a) it takes up half of my trunk space.
b) I get mocked for it on a consistent basis.
c) I never thought I would need it.
Within the contents of my 72 hour kit is a small cooler. Perfect for fish transferring.
I popped open my trunk and there it sat: the fish mobile.
But when I opened it there was another unexpected twist in this plot.
There was a half pound bag of pistachios in my cooler.
This was remarkable because I am allergic to pistachios.
But at this point I didn't care about pistachios so I threw the bag aside and placed Jerry in the cooler.
However, his little fish home was still a little wobbly.
If only I had something to cushion him. I thought.
The bag of pistachios.
And that is how Jerry Sloan the fish came home in a cooler padded by a half pound of pistachios, the very nut that once tried to ruin my life.


P.s. Ace comes home in 3 days!
P.p.s. Thanks to Chantel who made me feel missed:)

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Do you ever...

wish you could go back to elementary school?
I do. especially this week.
I miss the swings.