Called

On Friday my family drove to Utah county with a big white envelope from the Church headquarters.

I was not nervous about the next 18 months of my life until I saw it.

I worried about a lot of things once it was in my hands like:

-what if I couldn't do this?

-what if I couldn't adapt to the culture/food/people?

-what if's

I even joked about driving to the church office in Salt Lake handing them my envelope and saying "Changed my mind."

But surrounded by the most important people to me (some via cell phone) I opened my mission call and read the following words:

"Dear Sister Perkins: You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint. You are assigned to labor in the Canada Montreal Mission. You will prepare to preach the gospel in the Spanish language."

With those few words I became all sorts of emotion.

Mostly shock.

Then came joy.

Then absolute gratitude.

I can't possibly explain how but I already feel a love for those people in the Montreal.

I can think of no other explanation than that of the love of Christ which stems from His Gospel.

I am so grateful for the testimony I have of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that the atonement is real. I know that Joseph Smith saw the Father and the Son and that he restored the true and living gospel. I know that man will know no great joy than coming unto the Savior.

And that is what I plan to share with the people of Montreal.

xo

FHE Mama

I have a pretty good track record of not attending FHE since I've moved away from home.

If you are unfamiliar with FHE, it stands for Family Home Evening.

FHE is held on Monday nights and it's a time for families in our church to spend together.

College wards, like the one I attend, have little FHE groups and I was lucky enough to land a calling as an FHE mom.

I know this is karma paying me back for the past 3 years of avoidant behavior.

Tonight was my first go at being an FHE mom.

Lucky for me I was paired with another FHE mom and we decided to play games and she volunteered to bring a watermelon.

* it should be noted that I had a dream last night that I learned how to carve watermelons like you would carve a pumpkin at Halloween. So you can imagine my excitement?

We did the usual

.Prayer, spiritual thought, etc.

Once I had sufficiently dominated everyone in Mad Gab we decided to slice the watermelon open.

I'm not going to lie I was pretty excited.

I. Love. Watermelon.

My dear roommates began slicing the beast open and like opening flood gates the watermelon spewed water all over our counter top.

Then we split the beast open and the insides reminded me of the turkey on Christmas Vacation. See image below.

It was sad indeed.

I had to send all of my little FHE children home without watermelon.

Luckily, one of the children made this wonderful watermelon carving.

See image below.

Behold! The waterbeast!

xo

P.s. I am still craving watermelon.

Do you ever...

wish you could go back to elementary school?

I do. especially this week.

I miss the swings.

xo

Memory Box

disregard the fact that I look horrible in this picture

I've been home for the past few days.

It's been so very good for me.

My heart needed a place to begin to repair itself.

I've been feeling weathered and worn.

Now I feel slightly less so.

Today I was reorganizing my old room in my parent's house.

I came across letters, yearbooks, notebooks, English papers, trinkets, jewelry, and all kinds of lovely little pieces of me.

Part of me felt strange.

Like I was going through someone else's memories.

And then I found a silly short story that Ace and I wrote together so many years ago...

And I remembered who I was.

Remembering who I had been before life got hard and big decisions had to be made, made me want to sit there and hold that paper so tightly.

I'm not sure why.

Other than that maybe for a second I needed to remind myself that though I've come a long way I still have miles to go.

xo

Pardon Me.

When I started blogging my intent was to give myself a corner of the world to air out my thoughts.

Initially, this worked well.

Until worry and concern crept into my mind.

As humans, we try to do everything in our power to make ourselves less vulnerable.

But living with worry always makes me tired and eventually my proverbial legs give out and I decide to let myself be human.

Not necessarily vulnerable, but human.

This takes faith.

Leaps of it.

Even buckets of it.

Somewhere between elementary and middle school I stopped trusting in my ability to be me.

I was recently told that my natural air-dried curl made me more human.

I want to implement more me into me.

Does that make sense?

I'm striving to be the person my Father in Heaven intended for me to be.

Not the person I wish I could be. Or think I should be.

But me.

Just me.

xo

Sometimes....

I wonder why I'm in Provo.

I wish I was two inches taller.

I pretend like my middle is spelled "Danielle" and not "Daniele".

I want to pack up my belongings and move to the beach.

I wonder how much longer I'll have to be patient for this shows how little patience I have.

I just need a hug.

I swear.

I say I'm going to eat one cookie, and then I multiply it by 6.

I forget how blessed I am.

I miss my mom and dad so much I think about hopping in my car and driving home.

I'm selfish.

I sing really loud and off key.

I wish I could take away pain from the people I love.

I break my promises.

I do really stupid things like burn my knee on my curling iron.

I cry for people I don't really even know.

I dream too much.

I want Ace to come home already.

I procrastinate.

I wish I could play an instrument and not make people's ears bleed.

I miss my sisters so much it hurts.

Sometimes I laugh and can't explain why.

And every now and then I remember that I am a child of God, which is more than enough to make up for what I myself am not.

xo

Home Sweet Home

This semester I'm taking a class called "Housing the Family".

I think it should be called dream-on-cause-you-aint-evah-gonna-own-a-house.

I also think my Prof.'s motto is "I pity da fool who thinks they're gonna own one." because she's a tall ex-wrestler with sweet style and a mohawk. Our first assignment consisted of finding a "starter home" on a recent college grads budget (about 30,000-70,000 bones a year).

I was pleased to find out once I graduate from school I will be able to afford a microwave box and a spot under the local highway overpass.

The deeper I get into this class the more I'm impressed by people who

A) own a home

B) are still making payments on a home

C) can sleep at night knowing they're paying for a home

If you are in any of the above categories, you are my hero.

xo

20 for 20

Last year on my 20th birthday I made a list of 20 wishes I had for the next year.

Here is my list in no particular order.

1) Sew a dress in it's entirety by my lonesome. Check

2) Become a BYU Cougar. Check

3) Feel comfortable in my own skin. Mostly check

4) Receive a bouquet of Peonies (even if I have to buy them for myself).

5) Laugh so hard I cry. Check x 10,000

6) Meet a new person each day. Mostly check

7) Enjoy a Friday at home. Check

8) Wake up to snow. Check

9) Buy a Diana.

10) Take Zumba. Check

11) Experience Spring in the Provo Canyon. Check

12) Find something so wonderful I can't live without it. Check

13) Always be true. Mostly check

14) Eat the best Pizza ever.

15) Live more creatively. Check

16) Help someone who can't help them self. Check

17) Survive a Provo winter. Check

18) Go on an impromptu trip. Check

19) Share the gospel with someone. Check

20) Make it to my 21st birthday a much happier person. Almost Check

If my calculations are correct that's 3 left and 2 months to go.

xo