Pick-up lines

A couple of days ago I was waiting for my finance class to start.

Generally, I use this time to check my email on my phone (I entered the 21st century about three months ago).

I was sitting there browsing through junk email (urban, anthro, gap, etc.) and out of nowhere this boy gets down on his hands and knees and sticks his head under the chair next to mine.

"Oh sorry. I'm looking for my phone."

"Um. Okay."

At this point he looks under a couple of other chairs next to mine.

"Do you think you could call it?"

"Sure. What's your number?"

"XXX-XXX-XXXX"

It rang, and rang, and rang.

No luck.

"Well, thanks anyway."

"Um yeah."

As he walked away I realized that was some really good acting.

xo

Weekly Dating Quiz

I'm sure I'm not entirely unique in being quizzed each week on my nonexistent dating life.

However, when there is indeed someone worth mentioning I like to make the process as painful as possible.

Mom: Have you meant anyone in your ward? alluding to the male race, of course.

Me: Yes. I met a boy named XXXXXX.

Mom: Oh really?! Is he nice?

Me: No. He's the meanest person I've ever met.

Mom: Is he cute? disregarding my comment.

Me: No. He's ugly and has warts.

Mom: You're mean.

xo

p.s. for the record: he's not so ugly.

The Bookshelf Epiphany

(The Audrey Hepburn Complex)

Sometimes I like to use my blog as a Freudian couch. Hence, yesterdays post.

Last night after I posted my Perfume Allegory I was organizing my bookshelf.

Through the process of shelving and dusting I came upon a second realization about my fears/disinterest in dating.

I cannot stand chaos.

When I'm in/surrounded by chaos I become every adjective a human would not want to be described as.

I'm easily irritated, agitated, snarky, inflexible, etc.

In short, I'm the worst.

I avoid dating because I'm trying to avoid chaos.

"Does he like me?"

"Do I like him?"

"Does he like like me?"

"Why do I say the word 'like' so much?"

"Why didn't he call?"

"Do I send a 'Thank you' text after a date?"

"What do I do when he walks me to the door?"

And the infamous "What do I wear?"

Put simply, chaos.

Last semester I took a Kundalini Yoga class and one of my favorite mantras I learned was

Let go, let God.

All that it really means is to let go of whatever fear you have, give it to God, and in the process give yourself to God.

With my books in neat rows nestled on their shelves by height, I let this concept of letting go wash over me.

Before I turned out my light for bed I took a tall book and placed it next to the small books.

Baby steps, friends.

Wish me luck.

xo

The Allegory of the Perfume

A couple of days ago I was shocked to realize my favorite perfume is very nearly empty.

Generally, for a girl, the realization that they need to buy something as elaborate as perfume is exciting.

For me it's terrifying.

Especially, because I never buy the same perfume twice.

I'm always afraid I'm going to get stuck with a $60 bottle of mothball eau de toilette.

I don't trust my own judgement when it comes to perfume buying.

I would dare say I have commitment issues.

The past two bottles I have had, I've received as gifts, no thought on my part.

I loved both to the point of their extinction.

I told my mom about the last precious drops of my favorite perfume the last time we were in a mall, so she shuffled me to a perfume counter.

I sniffed perfumes that were fruity, floraly not a real word, musky, fresh, etc.

But nothing smelled right.

It was somewhere between the Vera Wang Princess and Lola by Marc Jacobs that I realized my feelings about buying perfume aren't too different from my feelings about dating.

Nothing ever smells/feels right because I don't trust my own judgement.

I thought about this through the spritzing of Coco by Chanel and then I saw it.

I knew just from the bottle that it was my perfume.

I spritzed a little on my wrist and it was love at first smell.

Amber and fruit nearly knocked me to the floor.

Now all I need is to find a man who will sweep me off my feet and I'll be set.

xo